Online Friend The video platform Zoom, which probably saved the world from a much-worse-than-it-was economic meltdown, has brought a strange and wonderful phenomenon to life. This may have happened to you. You “meet” someone via Zoom and get to know them through repeated contact. It doesn’t take long before you feel like you’ve spent enough meaningful time with them to know them well. Many friendships have developed this way, and they’re every bit as real as friendships that come to life face-to-face. A number of times, there has been an opportunity to meet in person someone I’ve gotten to know very well on Zoom. The first time this happened, I

For the last four-plus months, life has placed me in a master class about patience. I’ve had to admit my expectation about how long, debilitating, and painful knee replacement surgery recovery was going to be had nothing to do with the reality I’ve been experiencing. And I’ve had to repeatedly readjust my expectations. When is the pain and discomfort going to slack off? When will I be able to walk without a limp? When will I be able to… fill in the blank. The answer I’ve had to become comfortable with is, “not yet. Not just yet.” The Trap of Expectations This morning, I finally remembered something I was so

The Self We Think We Are There’s a “person” you’re intimately familiar with, probably more familiar to you than any other. An Imaginary self. Strangely, as real and ever-present as this “person” seems, this creature doesn’t exist in real life. It only exists as a thought—one you likely spend a great deal of time with. Who could it be? It’s you! Or more accurately, it’s the mental picture of yourself you carry with you. This picture is made up of memories, doubts, wounds, experiences, and various delusions, both depressive and grandiose. What I’ve just described is, of course, your ego. Why the Ego Feels So Real Your ego exists for

This morning, I was in class with Mavis Karn and Nikon Gormley. Mavis was telling a story that was a perfect expression of her breathtaking compassion, and a thought came to me: “What a beautiful heart she has.” The thought that came a second later told me something else. “Wait a second, Isn’t that silly? How can one heart be more beautiful than another? They’re all made of exactly the same love.”

Here’s a question that may have occurred to you at some point: why does it seem easier to love some people than others? The answer is so simple it may surprise you.

I’ve always loved Thanksgiving, and it’s always seemed to me a much less complicated-feeling holiday than Christmas is. I especially like the point of Thanksgiving; slowing down to be thankful, and reflecting on just how many things, especially small things you have to be grateful for.

Like most of us, I have a few relationships that seem to be more difficult than they need to be. One is with a brother who hasn’t spoken to me for twenty-six years. Over the years, I’ve made several attempts to get things to a better place between us, but I never heard back from him. It’s even strange to say we have a relationship. At this point, the only active relationship I have with him exists as a thought in the form of a memory, which is to say, a thought carried through time. The same is true for him. The only active relationship he has with me is based entirely in thought and memory.

The last few weeks, I’ve been simultaneously navigating the effects of several health challenges. A nagging cough and cold, an ear infection, and the after-effects of oral surgery. It’s been a bit of a slog, and I knew enough to expect very little of myself because I was so completely drained by it.

The loneliness many of us experience has nothing to do with the presence or absence of other people. The loneliness I’m speaking of is a symptom of not feeling at home in ourselves. Our remedy for that is to be with other people. The only reason that seems to work is because when we’re with other people, we lose ourselves in our co-joined presence. When that happens, we don’t feel lonely because we experience being something bigger than ourselves.